Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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