captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
