Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
