Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
