YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
