my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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