but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
