I'm drive I can fine osifer
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
