do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
