Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
