i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
