Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
