I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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