If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
