well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
