And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
sex in a hospital.. check
Who died my cat blue again?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
