you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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