the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
