DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Fuck appropriateness.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
