I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
