By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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