What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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