Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
