my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
