I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
