fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
