What a fucking waste of an outfit
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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