it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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