um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
