So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
