capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
