do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
