His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
