I need help removing her.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
