Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
