so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
