woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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