Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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