Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
