I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
