but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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