I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
