My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
