Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
