she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
