Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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