we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
