It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I will pee on everything he values.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
