I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
