Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
