Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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