I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
