yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
