p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
