Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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