I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
